What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
09.06.2025 00:16
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Who then, do I blame.?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Do married men like sucking dick?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
What was your best unexpected reunion with your childhood best friend?
She wouldn,t have been !
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Why in my 60s do I have a strong desire to suck cock and swallow?
I was very sick at this time too.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
When writing a novel, how can a character be developed well, but QUICKLY?
And i lived it daily.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
How To Watch The 2025 U.S. National Championships - SwimSwam
Ive learnt so much.
I said to her
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I have a "fat pussy" and I'm super self cautions about it. Do guys think it's gross?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
What kind of book did you write after turning 55?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He resisted the act ,that day.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Neurosteroids identified as potential therapy for treatment-resistant depression - Medical Xpress
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Comes on , in middle age.
What can help me fall asleep at night?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
It was going to be , some day.
Put me off passion for life!!
Are there any industries or sectors where ChatGPT is particularly well-suited for implementation?
I will be 64.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Boulder attack updates: Multiple people injured in 'act of terror,' FBI says - ABC News
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Citadel's Esposito says US deficit is a 'ticking time bomb' - Yahoo Finance
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I was seconnd youngest,
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I write beautiful poetry .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She found it foreign!.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I had hoped to write a book about this .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
When she asked me how she looked .
Im still living with it.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I have no regrets .
She loved him until the end.
I don,t even have a pension.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She married twice! .
He knew the spot.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Was to survive, this bastard.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But it wasn’t much.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Would this be the day?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I think the readers, may guess!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
We all went to grammer schools
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She was in good health!
I waited trembling.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
As i do to all so called friends.?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I couldn’t, believe it.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Why did i forgive my father ?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But ive been too sick for many years..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
What did i know ?
So whats the point in blame.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I could never make a relationship work though!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But, we were locked up after school.
I never cut or harmed myself..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
One cannot live in the past .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
This is soul school!.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was 9 years of age.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I was scared of men, in general
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
So, i spoilt her more .
Especially a lifetime of it.
We were not on the streets..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My life is so biszare .
All the time i was locked up.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My family never makes their pension either.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.